Fragile Doll

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

My face can be pretty ugly

My eyes can blindly see

My hair can be crazy long

My smile can be real fake

My hands can slip grip

My feet can kick out

My face can come at you hard

My eyes can hold mascara tears

My hair can be a beautiful mess

My smile can be straight forward

My hands can let go

My feet stand still

My face can turn away

My eyes can look away

My hair can be squeaky clean

My smile can lie, truthfully

My hands can be freezing cold

My feet can stomp out

''Jennifer'' is not on the wall

''Jenni'' stands tall

Her life made her a fragile doll

 

My Birthstone

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

October

Princess

At

Last

 

I'm Tired of Missing You

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

By missing you, I’m owning your absence

You were absent before I could miss you

Do I really miss you?  Or am I just owning your absence?

Either way, I’m tired of missing you

 

My Rainbow, My ROY G BIV

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

 

Red-is for the scars that reopen, and for the blood that comes out of my mouth, when words are spoken

 

Orange-is for the fire my demons dance around, and for them trying to silence my sound

 

Yellow-is for many cautionary tales my life holds because of my trauma, and for the unwanted drama

 

Green-is for the tears my green eyes shed, and for the beauty that is hidden because my green eyes turn red

 

Blue-is for the heavy sadness I feel, and for my cold being…I’m being raw and real

 

Indigo-is for what my face turns to when I’m full of laughter, and becomes of me, after

 

Violet-is for the girl on ‘’Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’’ I can identify with, and for her funny mood shift

 

Isn't My Stare Somethin'?

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

I stare deep into nothing

I turn that space into something

It’s not just one thing

My soul is emptying

Closing my eyes to be revived

The Darkness in me wants to be alive

I need the the light in me to survive

So, my name can thrive

She will come back to you

What can I do? 

Just stay true…

And just see it through

 

The Snake

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

As soon as the Dark and I meet

A snake slithers at my feet

I’m under my pink covers, but not asleep

I stay still because my fear is so deep

 

I try to say ‘’this snake isn’t really there’’

And remind myself ‘’I always sleep here’’

My dark room knows how to feed my fear

But my soft pillow is a safe place to shed a tear

 

The Snake:Part 2

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

I see the same sly, ugly snake, but I’m not awake

I couldn’t crawl away from you, I froze all the way through

Your mouth is wide open, ready to bite down over words that weren’t spoken

I screamed out in pain… but not from the bite, was it because I know your name?

I know your slither, you want me to wither

Not this time, though, ‘’wanna go?

I’m ready because I’m steady

You’re not, I laugh because you think I forgot!

 

God's Love Hurts

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

I laugh at religion because of the world we live in

It brings out confusion more than inclusion

I cry more at His "pure" Name than Satan's evil Game

Why?  Because God’s Love hurts, I won’t lie

 

'Look At You, All In Pink!''

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

“Look at you, all pretty in pink’’

I just smile at them, and think

‘’If they only knew, really’’

I know, it sounds silly!

Pink protects my being

And what people are seeing

I smile to give an illusion

Happy, is the confusion

Pink is my skin

For the world I’m in

Trauma, is how it began

But, also, pink, is who I am

 

Watch Me

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Watch my arms fold

I’m slowly turning cold

My pretty face has been talking

My broken spirit has started walking

 

 

When Can I Just Be?

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

When can I just be like the lint resting on clean clothes?

When I can just be like a tree standing in an occupied space?

When can I just be like a fence painted whatever color?

When can I just be like the cotton floating in the air outside?

When can I just be like the pink paint chipping off the wall?

When can I just be like a balloon that flies into the clouds?

When can I just be like a coloring book that has crazy colors?

When can I just be like the black scuffs on the dirty floor?

When can I just be the crack in the mirror?

When can I just be like the tape that’s too old to stick?

When can I just be like the uneven ground under my feet?

When can I just be like the gum that’s smashed into the pavement?

When can I just be like the aimless, loud wind?

When can I just be like the stuffed animal that gets the brunt of runny noses?

When can I just be like the clock that doesn’t have a seconds hand?

When can I just be like the eraser that’s so worn out it turns the paper black?

When can I just be like the envelope that got so many licks it can’t be sent out?

When can I just be like the lightning that doesn’t care when it strikes?

When can I just be like the thunder that doesn’t have a gentle sound…BOOM!

 

When can I just be?  My life with Cerebral Palsy is demanding!

 

Untitled Poem

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Don’t

Ever

Stay

Tied

In a world that’s

Not 

Yours

 

 

In Vain

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

My birth was in innocence

My childhood was in turmoil

My teenage years was in hell

Now, in my adulthood, I’m fighting for that innocence

Through the turmoil and hell,

So until then, I’m just existing

Living, in vain

Hi, I'm Jenni

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Dried-on tears force my eyes shut

This is not a movie, don’t say ‘’CUT!’’

I will no longer sit pretty

This is not about self-pity

This is about my sad truth

I use poetry to self-soothe

My trauma doesn’t make me weak

I taste the vomit, then speak

I hear my voice shake

I feel my body bake

I fall apart

I’m still; with a beating heart

I will not sit in place

What’s not said, is on my face

I’m not done

You need a break? I have none

I need to sleep, dried-on tears force my eyes shut

I can’t, my trauma is kicking me in the butt!

Spoken Scribbles #1

 by Jenni Bailey

I don't make any sense

It’s because my life doesn’t make sense

I’m God’s Forgotten Child! 

I’m somebody’s nobody!

I’m so mad!

I can’t get loud 

When my existence is too loud

I’m my own monster under my bed

My skeletons in my closet aren't mine!

I’m always in trouble

And I am the trouble

 Spoken words play with me

Daddy has hateful love

At times, I cry so much, my tears quench my thirst

Once family, now known strangers

I’m sap in my family tree, I drip down it like loose bowels

I absorb the hate, and leak out the love

 

Hypocritical Blood

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

If you want to see evil

Go inside the steeple

If you want to see good

I’m in the neighborhood

 

The Music Box

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

You made a safe place for me to lay

Gently swaddled with blankets

Then you winded up the music box

You left the room, but you still were close by

 

But now…

I still have the music box

But, I had to put it away

Because I wouldn’t be still enough to hear the music

I need to lay, safely in my bed

I need to be covered up with blankets

If I winded it up, it wouldn’t be the music I’d hear

It would be your voice… then I’d be still

 

Saying ''hi''

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

I used to look up at the dark, cloudy skies

With such innocence, and curious eyes

A spotlight would come down from the clouds

The ‘’awe’’ I felt was meaningful and loud

I would wave and say ‘’hi’’ in a whisper

 I hoped that my small voice would linger

My soul was fulfilled with inner peace 

I said what I needed to say, at least

 

Tears In the Rain

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

My life has consistent unapologetic rain

I have an aimless emotional weather vane

My tears and the rain pour the same

You won’t even know it’s name

They fall at the same time

It’ll trick you into thinking I’m fine

It’s left me cold and wet

I’m telling myself not to fret

Because I don’t own this unapologetic rain

It’s the people who say my name in vain

 

My Skeleton

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

I live my life in my skeleton

My heart shows everyday

The skin is just there to protect it from getting hurt

I’m not wearing my skeleton for it to just break

Be careful, or I will just put my skin back on…

 

 

 

 

You've Taught Me So Much, Daddy!

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

You’ve taught me…

To be afraid of this world

That I’m not your baby girl

To have huge meltdowns

To be sensitive to simple sounds

I’m always in trouble

I need a bigger bubble

Patience wears thin

How to wear my skin

That I’m evil

To hate the steeple

To hate being wet

Know I CP, but forget

To question love

You are always sitting above

To resent the military

To hate women you marry

How to flinch at your name

How to play his game

Not to ask for help

How to be by myself

To get in peoples’ face

How to feel like a waste of space

To be shy

Something’s wrong, but don’t cry

To hate my existence

To go on the defense

To be bitter

Snakes can calmly slither

To be bothered by emotion

To love commotion

Kids are precious

Parents don’t always want us

It’s okay to take away the power

To be a different flower

To forever wonder why

To say ‘’Goodbye’’ 

‘’Jenni’’ is just fine

The life I have is mine

 

Like I said, You’ve taught me so much, Daddy!

 

June

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

I hope you wake up okay

It’s June 18, happy birthday!

I hope your coffee is the way you like it-with sugar and cream

I hope you a bad-ass birthday theme

I hope you checked the weather on your phone

I hope you don’t celebrate alone

I hope you’re all smiles

I hope friends and family come from miles

I hope you have inner peace

I hope you have a delicious feast

Happy Birthday to a Father

Love your disowned daughter?

 

As for me…

I wake up sad

I silently say ‘’Happy Birthday, Dad’’

I continue to wonder why

It’s so damn easy for you to deny

The reason is sick

Living your life like you can pick?

 I didn’t cause it

You just finally threw a fit!

 

Scattered Poem

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Even in my darkness, I’m someone’s child

Even in my light, I’m a beautiful wild

 

I’m scattered like the thoughts in my mind

I’m random like a unusual, historical find

 

I laugh at absolutely nothing

I cry about that something

 

This world gets my middle finger

My world, because I get triggered

 

Going from one topic to another

Conversations that smother

 

Deep love, deep hate

Not one for the Pearly Gate

 

Tuck me into bed, hyped

Blankets on, I need tears wiped

 

This is me

Let it be!

 

A Narcissistic God?

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

I answer to no one, including you

I won’t make my knees hurt, just to pray

Repent? Why? If you already know I’m not perfect?

I have a right to question your existence, if you make me question mine

It rains, and I’m told ‘’God’s crying’’, why is it important to know you cry?

Your name carries more hate than love, and you’re still important…

I’m suppose to love you but I'm suppose to be loved by you, a GOD

I’m helping myself, I waited for your help…nothing!

You demand love, but I sit here begging you to love me

 

A narcissistic God?  Yes!  I will not help you be narcissistic!  I will continue being ‘’the good crazy’’ I’ve always been.

 

My Existence

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

I had to be ready for this world

My parents didn’t have to be

Here I am, not any less fragile

All  grown up

Picking up my pieces….

Because I’m never going to be any less fragile

 

Art of Night

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

The dark of night, is my writing platform

And my bedroom, is the home of the sounding board

I write with the tears that fall from my tired eyes

And the rain encourages the heaviness to flow out

Good night, and I will sleep tight

Saturdays

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Saturdays were Cleaning Day
If I had a say:
There's much more to clean:
The house had a dirty scene

The rooms took more than brooms
The walls silenced all the calls
The mop wasn't going to make it stop
The vacuum cleaned up the dust, not the broken trust
There was pledge, but it didn't stop a ''family'' from going off the edge
The ceiling was covered in stains, it also covered the fact a family going in each other's lanes
The doors and knobs needed sanitized not just from germs, the activity with the doors needed to be realized

The house was dirty, I agree
But much more than what you could see
It was more important clean the visual mess
The audio cleanup was just a guess

There was no Cleaning Day for that
Parents turned their backs
The children were left to wonder
No one saw us going under

 

Miracle Baby

A Poem by Jenni Baile

Once a loving father, he told his daughter...
''You are my miracle baby''
He had me in his arms, keeping me warm
''You are my miracle baby''
He sang to me, and just let it be
''You are my miracle baby
I saved his life, and he was like...
''You are my miracle baby''

When I got older, he got colder
But, I'm your miracle baby?
You watched me struggle, after, I just needed to snuggle
But, I'm your miracle baby?
You barely lended a hand, and wouldn't understand
But, I'm your miracle baby?
The ''conversations'' made me scared to partake in
But, I'm your miracle baby?
You are a bully, which I don't think you understand fully!
But, I'm your miracle baby?
You disowned me, do you feel free?
But, I'm your miracle baby?

 

 

Happy Birthday, Jenni

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Being in a nursing home, and having it be your birthday
I knew I had a steady visitor coming my way
I also was told my Aunt and Grandma were coming
And, for some reason, it had my heart running

I was nervous for their arrival
My body acted like it was fighting for survival
I was getting a birthday visit from family
Why do I have these feelings? It's hard being me

I waited for my friend's face to show
I wanted to be with her...''let's go!''
Even though we both knew
My family would be there soon

My friend I left knowing
But that didn't stop me from going
My grandma and Aunt showed their face
Not knowing I wasn't in that place

I didn't realize the biggest mistake:
I didn't see them, and didn't taste the cake
I got a call later that night from my Aunt
I was thinking ''what does she want?''

She was crying on the phone
So, naive, I apologized, not knowing the hurt that I hadn't shown
She made me cry, I was responsible for the hurt
I felt like the dirt!

I never had that conversation with grandma
And now, she has passed away: I never saw...
The hurt that I'd caused her
I'm no longer my Aunt's ''Ferfer''

To this day, I wish I saw their faces, tasted that cake
I'm left to wonder ''what did the cake look like, how long did it bake?
I'm left apologizing on a note, hoping grandma heard me
The regret has me imprisoned in my mind, It hasn't set me free

I've missed a birthday celebration
And a silenced conversation
I wish I could've heard ''happy birthday, Jenni!
I had many opportunities to talk...MANY

 

Conversations With My Teddy Bears

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

When I was just a little girl
Conversations were part of my world
But, they made me feel like a target
The conversations made me want to forget

That I had a father that didn't care
That's when I turned to my teddy bear
I would retreat to my room
In the state of such gloom

I'd hold my teddy bears so tight and just talk
I'd be hoping no one would knock
So I could go on with my word vomit
Sometimes, I would cry so hard, I couldn't stop it

I loved talking to my teddy bear, and sometimes, my dolls
I don't know if my father could hear me thru the door and walls
My father used to tuck me in for the night but...
It would leave me confused, and saying, ''what?''

Soon, I became comfortable with my father not talking to me
I was different with my teddy bears...a part of my father didn't see
My bedroom became my home
With my teddy bears and dolls, I'd built a dome

Even as an adult, today
I still talk to my teddy bears, and that's okay
I'll soon be thirty-five
And teddy bears have kept me alive

If I didn't have my teddy bears to talk to
I don't know what I would do
Every teddy bear I have, is like my kid
They provided far more that what my father did!

 

The Black Sheep

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

I'm the black sheep
The reason is too deep
My trauma, I spoke it to the depth
I knew things were different, but hard to accept

My CP, alone, makes me one
I don't want to, but I truly believe
It's why my Dad became ''undone''

I've tried so hard to fit in,
But, as a kid, how could I?
I wasn't even comfortable in my own skin

Now, as an adult
I'm being taught that it's not my fault
I'm also okay with the name ''Black Sheep''
I'm not ready to put it to sleep

I've found comfort in the dark coat
''Black Sheep'' language is seen in things I wrote
It has made feel safe...why?
The reason makes me cry

For my sake, I can't care anymore
I need to leave indifferences at my door
I feel my family hates me
The things I went through, they refused to see

I feel I wasn't seen for the person I am
I feel, when I was born, I was a ''black lamb''
I was different from the start
But, I have the same-shaped heart

 

Scattered Feelings

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Do you ever feel angry and want to cry and don't know why?
Are you ever at your wit's end for the moment, and want the time to pass by?

Do you ever say ''I want this day to be over?'' because you're just fed up with the day?
Do you ever want to leave your body, because you're getting in your own way?

Are you ever unhappy with yourself, even though you know you're doing your best?
Do you ever feel your life is not your own, you're just a guest?

Do you ever feel what you say doesn't make sense, even if it does to others?
Are you ever in situation where you just sit and wonder?

Do you ever Question your purpose?
Do basic things make you nervous?

Do you ever worry just to worry?
Do you ever see things clearly, but in your mind, it's blurry?

Do you ever feel ''out of place'' in this world?
Are you an adult, but you feel like ''that little girl''?

These are my scattered feelings, I Never not have questions. My mind doesn't seem to relax...Just getting them down on paper, so i feel less scattered!

 

My Life Is Not Ballet

Written By Jenni Bailey

It started at a young age
The spotlight was on me
I had to take center stage
My Dad, the whole audience
Making him proud of me
It is focus of every performance

Through the twirls and splits
Taking cues from my Dad
Even though I needed to call it quits
There was no manual on how to dance
I was a special performer
My Dad isn't ''the guy of many chances''

His perfection is ugly
It made me so bitter
His words are not so snuggly
I didn't wear the pink tutu
Your still my Dad tho
I love you

Your expectations of me, are high
Trying isn't good enough for you
Do you care that I would cry?
This is not dance, get out of my way
I don't think you understand
This is my life, my life is not ballet

 

Taste the Rain

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

I call out to you almost daily
It's me: Jenni Bailey
As I cry
Trying to wipe my eyes dry

Thinking I'm going empty
Nope...still crying plenty
I cry on sunny days, rainy days
When do Your Tears come out to play?

Only when it rains, right?
Hearing the rain...good night!
I taste it when I get a chance
Your Tears...Yummy...It's time to dance

I know the rain is Your Tears...I love it
I let Your Tears pour where I sit
I look up to the sky
I never ask ''What's up with the Big Guy?''

How does it feel to pour and pour?
I used to call You my Lord
I'm not coming to help
Keep it to Yourself!

As long as I'm calling
And crying so hard, I'm bawling
I will look up and smile ''I see Your pain''
As I open up to taste the rain

 

Look At Me

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Hi, I'm Jenni

''Jennifer'' to one too many

As a child

Yes, I was once, mild

 

But, that all changed

Daddy and I...estranged

Siblings and I...emotionally separated

Stepmother is hated

 

Now, look at me...

 

I'm not normal

Nothing about me is formal

I hardly take life serious

But the simple things leave me curious

 

I'm a daughter

Without a father

I have sinned

I no longer feel Him in the wind

 

I feel like a sin

Neither good nor evil wins

I find comfort in rainy days

I seek shelter from rays

 

I'm weird

I'm feared

I'm embraced

I'm replaced

 

I feel less than

I do my 100 percent

My worth?

Less than my birth

 

Call My Body a Corpse(Please?)

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

My body was bought, but can't afford

My body is stiff as a board

My body was created by my then-called Lord

My body carries a ''disease''

Cerebral Palsy. Yes...everyone sees

Call my body a corpse, Please

Cerebral Palsy is demanding

My body holds a misunderstanding

My body begs for a soft landing

Call my body a corpse

Because my body withholds such force

So when I die, I have control

Only when my body has taken it's toll

Cerebral Palsy steals the body, but not the soul

 

 

My Lullaby(Gothic Prayer)

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Oh, Gosh, it’s time for bed

My anxiety gets overfed

It’s time for my thoughts to dance

Reality doesn't have a chance

It’s just the darkness and me

My demons are let free

 

‘’As you sit me up to sleep

I inhale, so deep

The darkness will seep

From my lips, it will creep

As you sit me up to sleep’’

 

It's Not Always About You

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Saying it with a straight face, too

Basically, you’ve said,‘’It’s not always about you!’’

There’s an echo in the household

Through this, I do what I’m told

 

Through my struggles

I get zero cuddles

With my Cerebral Palsy

Your response is faulty

 

The things that were unseen

You had talks with your damaged teen

The things that were seen

You still had talks with your damaged teen

 

The gall, Dad, the gall

You’ve left me hitting the wall

You’re right, it’s not always about me!

I’m the daughter you’ve refused to see

 

It’s been all about you, all my life

The EVIL stepmom, your wife

I’m tearing up, writing this poem

It’s finally ‘’always about me’’ in my home!

 

Crows and Vultures

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

The crows have been inhabiting my soul

There’s darkness in me, I need to free

The vultures in the hollow tree, are hungry

I’m forced into a deep, dark trance

The crows are perched outside my window

I look up at the dark skies, ‘’can I rest?’’

The vultures feed on me being wide awake

 

What Did I Do?

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

I came into this world to live a life that I didn’t get to pick

I didn’t choose the struggles, not even how I fight to survive

You leave me asking, ‘’what did I do?”

I didn’t rebel against you because I hated you

I rebelled against you because my mind and body don’t cooperate

You leave me asking, ‘’what did I do?”

The discipline you delivered, was worse than what I did

I was a child, dealing with something I knew nothing about

You leave me asking, ‘’what did I do?’’

I was also dealing with things that I was forced to go through

Both would make you fall to your knees

You leave me asking, ‘’what did I do?’’

You’ve left me crying at the door

Sometimes, behind the door

You no longer have me asking ‘’what did I do?’’

I know exactly what I did…

I began talking!

 

 

Disowned

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

By Jenni Bailey

 need to hear your voice, even though you make so much noise

I need to feel your embrace, even though you get in my face

I need your warmth, even though it’s warped

I need to hold your hand, even though you don’t understand

I need to feel your fatherly touch, even though I don’t mean much

 

I Am So Tired

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

My brain is fired

My thoughts are admired

I’m so tired…

 

My body fights

My head needs the light

My muscles never say ‘’good night’’

 

I’m awake in my sleep

My dreams go deep

My trauma will creep

 

Fallen Angels

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

 

Fallen Angels are forgotten children

Heavy emotions are still in them

Fallen Angels aren’t bad

They are just sad

‘’God doesn’t judge’’

Really? He does hold such a grudge

God’s Love does fail

And for that, they’ll forever wail

The screaming you hear in Hell

God knows them all too well

Fallen Angels were once in Heaven

How could He rest on Day Seven?

Fallen Angels aren’t demons

You know about the screamin’

Clean up Your mess!

Confess! Confess! Confess!

 

At the Gravesites

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Your gravesites are beautiful

It represents who you were, and now, your souls

I cry, hoping you hear me

I want to talk to you, I can't let you be
I don't want to just see the gravesite

And see the Grounds Keeper in the sunlight

I don't want to just see you in the photos on the marker

I don't want to sit alone when it gets darker
I don't want to take pictures next to yours

Regret, not wanting to leave, wanting you, it just pours

I want to conversate with you two

Do my words and thoughts go to you?
I miss you two so much

I want to be able to feel your touch

I hold you close, and even closer at night

And hope when I look out the window, it's your Light
It's still feels like yesterday you died

It's so real, years have passed, and I've cried

I'm very sorry and full of sorrow

I've wasted all the tomorrows
At your gravesites, notes with tape aren't enough

I should've known what was...your love

I'm crying over the things I should've said and done

Even though, I feel you two heard my apologies, my tears still run

 

Jennifer

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

''Jennifer'' is my full name

For me, it holds heavy shame

My Dad is the only one

Who can get it done

My Dad doesn't say it with care

I just stand there

In a tiny voice, I say, ''yes?

''He says it with such a mess

''Jennifer'' is a name a parent is suppose to cherish

I've needed ''Jennifer'' to parish

My name is Jenni now

It hurts to know what ''Jennifer'' is all about

 

My Hero

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

My hero held my fragile hand

But at the same time, held in high demand

My hero said ''I love you, too, Jennifer''

But at the same time, had me feel unsure

My hero watched me walk

But at the same time, ashamed he taught me to talk

My hero wiped my tears

But at the same time, didn't see what caused them for years

My hero would tuck me into bed

But at the same time, watched me hit my head

My hero said alot

But at the same time, there were clues he never got

My hero hugged and kissed me

But at the same time, I didn't know if he missed me

My hero knew I was born different

But at the same time, treated me as tho I was hell-sent

My hero took me to the doctor

But, at the same time, he was the teacher that would ''dock'' her

My hero would keep me home from school

But at the same time, his wife wasn't cool

My hero was my Dad

I didn't mean to be bad

I just needed someone

But you were just done

You said it all in one sentence

I went on the offense

I used to ask myself ''why?''

I don't anymore: I just say ''my hero, good bye

 

Shhh! Daddy's (Not) Here

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

She's crying for you to stay home

Behind that closed screen door

She knows work is important, so is her fear of feeling alone

 

Shhh!  Daddy's (not) here!

She wants your hugs to keep her calm and warm

Because her eyes see that she's unsafe

She knows work is important, so is the reason why she's torn

 

Shhh!  Daddy's (not) here!

She did something today''

Go sit down at the table and eat that!''

She knows work is important, so is the reason why the cereal wasn't thrown away

Shhh!  Daddy's (not) here!

She lost control during her school van ride

A student is now, unrecognizable

She knows work is important, so is her reason why innocent emotions collide

Shhh!  Daddy's (not) here!

I need you, but you're not here...again

Fight the war that needs you!

I'm the troop, your daughter, screaming for you to ''have my back''

''I've been fighting this war, alone since maybe, ten!

 

Beautiful Ashes

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

I'm here, in this world

my struggle is ugly, but my fight is beautiful

I'm a ballerina with an imperfect twirl

I have a sad beginning that makes me fear the ending

A lot of love at the welcoming, but..

At the exit, is it hate that's attending?

Before I rest in my forever bed

Please remember what matters

It's what I did and said

 

After all,

I can have a torn dress

I can be ugly, no makeup

I can be a mess

I can have my hair in my face

I can lay crooked

I don't have to wear lace

I can have my hands uncrossed

I can have chipped nail polish

But, one thing I CANNOT have, is hate...it matters when my soul exits

I'm scattered, leaving a path to a garden made from my beautiful ashes

 

Princess

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Your princess is born on an October Day

Your princess is going to be okay

Your Princess  is a preemie

Your princess leaves you beaming

Your princess slips away 

Your Princess turns blue one day

Your princess is in a fight

Your princess makes it thru the night
Your princess can't walk

Your Princess  can't talk

Your Princess tries to communicate

Your Princess develops late
Your Princess has a hero

Your Princess needs your help, she'll get zero

Your Princess believes what you say 

Your Princess still thinks when you're home, she'll be okay
Your princess has highs and lows

Your Princess, to you, no longer glows

Your princess is now silent

Your princess is sometimes aggressive and violent
Your Princess now hates you

Your Princess is no longer your glue

Your Princess is no longer your princess

Why?  Take a good guess
You think your princess left...Nope

You left your princess...How does she cope??

She's Now a diva

See ya!

 

Untitled

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

"Daddy needs to go"

Someone says "He will be back"

The baby girl doesn't know
In uniform and all

Daddy goes to the door

This baby girl is by the door, sitting against the wall
Daddy couldn't turn away from his daughter

Waving through the door

This baby girl was fighting to see her father
This time, Daddy had to drive away

The truck was gone now

This baby girl is wondering "when is Daddy coming home today"
It's 6:00pm, Daddy is home

It was a busy day for Daddy

This baby girl doesn't have to go to bed alone, Daddy was still in uniform, still had to go, he still drove away, and he still came home today

It was a busy day for Daddy

This girl needed to go, left dad sitting against the wall, and fighting to see his daughter, and she turned away
This girl knows Dad is home

She isn't by the door, she fighting

She's wondering "why is Daddy home?"
She lays her head on the pillow

It's 6:00am, backpack and all

This girl needed to see Dad at the window

 

Dirty Church

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Where do I go when the Father needs to confess?  My life is a mess

Where do I go to cuss out His Name?  I asked for Help, He never came

Where do I go when I need to ''get real''?  This is not the time to kneel!

Where do I go when His angels make me wait?  I shouldn't only matter at the Pearly Gate...

Where do I go when I refuse to kiss His Feet and bow to Him?  I'm proud that I sin!

Where do I go when I can't be warm in His Light?  I'm okay with being cold in the night

Where do I go when I can't trust His Plan?  I can't even trust human hands

Where do I go when He's not being a Father?  I'm the wild Daughter

Where do I go to laugh at His Word? Hypocrisy is heard

Where do I go when I don't worship either side? I feel they both have lied!

Where do I go to get that ''unconditional'' love?  I've learned not to lean on the Gods above

 Where do I go to end the search?  A dirty church

 

I'm Not a Rose

A Poem by Jenni Bailey

Here, lies a garden - a beautiful one Planting flowers in a row, giving room

To bloom, and perfectly grow in the Son
But, here's a story

For you...  no flower is the same

And from above, they get shared glory
Every flower needs the Son

Some more than others

One is wilting-just one
It needs more help to grow

It feels like a weed, it's slowly shriveling

It's dying, it's drying up... what you should know
I'm not a rose

But, you still chose

Me to grow in this one garden

That you're startin, ' I need the same Son

Even though, I'm a different one

I knew I'm not a rose, but I can still grow, (just at a different pace)Shine the Son in my face

I'm not a rose, but I'm still a flower

I hear the Son crying, from His beautiful Tears, I need a shower!

I need it to be okay, that I'm not a rose

Because every part of this flower grows!

 

Good Mourning

Written By Jenni Bailey

Face saturated with tears, I wear them like a funeral veil

I mourn my existence, my own being is frail

It’s like my skeleton left me, no vessel

Like a wilted rose still on it’s stem, one fallen petal

It’s a good mourning, I know this

Because my body is something, nothing I will miss

 

Celebration Of Death

Written By Jenni Bailey

I need a beautiful death

No more drawn-out breath

I need my name to shatter

And I want my soul to matter

 

We Don’t Count?

Written By Jenni Bailey

 Pluto and I something in common that really stands out 

Pluto is furthest from the sun, 

And because of this, it’s not considered a planet.

I’m furthest from the Son

And because of this, am I not considered a human being?

 

  Don’t Let This Be Me

Written By Jenni Bailey

My reality has been hard to grasp

 Being less of who I truly am

That’s a lot to ask

 

My whole being left me, even my pink

All white, like a demon in reverse

My Darkness pours on me, like a thrown-out drink

 

I realize I’m not this weak being

I’m just an ugly angel

Regardless of what others are seeing